For several years, I’ve searched to answer the question: “Why?” Why has God allowed the pain and suffering I see in this world? Why are believers not immune to these hardships? What is He doing?

In my quest to thoughtfully answer these questions, God led me to these verses in scripture:

“And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” (Job 1:21)

“But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2:10)

“For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” (Matthew 5: 45b)

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

These verses did not satisfy me though and I began to feel restless and fearful of God. I wondered what calamity He would allow in my own life. I wondered if I would have faith enough to cling to Him through anything. I held tight to this verse from my own private time studying His Word: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.’ (Proverbs 9:10). God gave me this verse in 2008, and I feared Him almost daily until just this past year. I knew that fear was the “beginning”, so even when I didn’t feel it, I trusted that my fear would give birth to something greater- I just didn’t know what.

God then led me to this verse from my Pastor: “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.” (Deuteronomy 29:29). I began to learn that if I would trust God in what He has revealed to me, (instead of questioning why He allowed the things to happen that are not revealed), I would find Him to be more trustworthy. Then, God led me to another verse in my own quiet time with Him a few days ago:

Ecclesiastes 8: 17-18

“then I saw all the work of God, that man cannot find out the work that is done under the sun. However much man may toil in seeking, he will not find it out. Even though a wise man claims to know, he cannot find it out.”

I can see now how God has been giving me each of these scriptures as pieces to a puzzle throughout the years. The puzzle put fully together represents Trust in Him. Before I had the pieces I gained this past year, I used to really fear God and I feared what He would allow to happen in my own life. God has begun to remove that fear and He’s beginning to turn my eyes to His love, His grace and mercy, and His sovereignty. He is showing me that He is fully in control and that attempting to understand 'why' He allows pain and suffering, 'why' believers are not immune to it, and 'what' is He doing, is a futile task. He's brought me to a place of abandoning those questions and focusing on His attributes that cultivate trust in a believer. I’m excited to see what new puzzle pieces God will give me in scripture this New Year because I know His work in me will not be fully complete until I stand before Him face to face. (1 John 3:2) It’s truly amazing to think my spiritual growth will never reach full maturity in this life because as long as there is breath in my body, there will always be room to learn and to grow in faith. I now find that more exciting than searching for the answers to "Why?"